Who just farted?

[NuffDaddy]

I've been clearing rooms all day. Don't know what I ate, but I need to eat it more.

Sometimes I have those "wtf did I just eat" moments.. Can never duplicate the smell though, I should try harder.

I think it was the venison steak and spaghetti combo I had for dinner coupled with the pizza I had right before bed last night.

[jarbo03]

I've been clearing rooms all day. Don't know what I ate, but I need to eat it more.

Sometimes I have those "wtf did I just eat" moments.. Can never duplicate the smell though, I should try harder.

I think it was the venison steak and spaghetti combo I had for dinner coupled with the pizza I had right before bed last night.

Bingo! Sounds like a lethal combination.

Sent from a gnarly phone with a kickstand

[obxbufflehead]

Been farting all day. Don't know what I ate but what ever it was its lethal.

[jarbo03]

Hopefully you are able to share all that flatulent goodness! :lol:

Sent from a junk POS HTC with a kickstand

[Goldfish]

You didn't eat taco bell yesterday, did you?

sent from a phancy fone

[obxbufflehead]

You didn't eat taco bell yesterday, did you?

sent from a phancy fone

No. Might have been the 2lbs of BBQ I ate for dinner.

[aunt betty]

My dog always gives me this "wtf did you feed me?" look whenever he rips one.

[bill herian]

I once farted so hard I made a girl climax from across the room. It's not uncommon for people to feel dizzy, nauseated, or even vomit when I fart. It's not the smell though, It's the shear concussive barage. I've sent people to the chiropractor to get their spine adjusted after farting too close to them in a small space. Seriously, if I let one go as I'm walking down the street, a dozen car alarms go off.

[jarbo03]

I once farted so hard I made a girl climax from across the room. It's not uncommon for people to feel dizzy, nauseated, or even vomit when I fart. It's not the smell though, It's the shear concussive barage. I've sent people to the chiropractor to get their spine adjusted after farting too close to them in a small space. Seriously, if I let one go as I'm walking down the street, a dozen car alarms go off.

Master!



Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk 4 Beta

[aunt betty]

My farts call ducks in and smell like roses.

(sig worthy)

[Gunny]

There was man who had a terrible passion for eating baked beans, but always got an embarrassing lively reaction. One day he met the girl of his dreams and they fell in love. He thought to himself "She'll never marry me so he gave up the baked beans he loved”. A few months later, his car broke down, called the wife and told her he would be late as he had to walk home. On his way, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. He figured he could walk off any ill affects. So all the way home he 'putt to the right and putted to the left'. His wife met him at the door excited. "Darling, I have the most wonderful dinner surprise for you!" She blindfolded him, and sat at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. Feeling another fart coming on, luckily the phone rang and his wife left the room to answer the phone. Seizing the moment, he not only lets out a loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg fart. He had a hard time breathing, so he grabbed napkin and fanned the air. Unfortunately another urge came on, and 'rrriiiipppp!'. Sounded like a diesel engine at high revs, and smelled even worse. Gagging, he tried fanning his arms, hoping the rotten smell would dissipate. He heard the phone goodbyes, so he neatly folded his napkin on his lap and he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked back in. Sorry for being so long dear, she asked “Did you peeked at the dinner”. Assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!" To his shock & horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

[assateague]

[Gunny]

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants,".

[assateague]

You're killing me today

[aunt betty]

I guess the queen asked "who farted"...

The Queen inquires as to the source, and receives various replies. Lady Alice says
Good your grace, an' I had room for such a thundergust within mine ancient bowels, 'tis not in reason I coulde discharge ye same and live to thank God for yt He did choose handmaid so humble whereby to shew his power. Nay, 'tis not I yt have broughte forth this rich o'ermastering fog, this fragrant gloom, so pray you seeke ye further."[9]
Translation..."I didn't do it".


Ancient medievil fart jokes are hilarious...

Newton_Bull_farts_G3.jpg

[aunt betty]

Here's a good one.

Chubby young man was in the Starbucks working on his mac, when suddenly he urgently needed to pass some gas. Since the music was really quite really loud, he just figured he could time the fart with the louder beats of the music. After a couple of songs, he felt much better. Finished off his coffee but noticed that everybody was staring at him. Then he suddenly realized that "he was listening to his IPod"

[jehler]

I did, in a tent with 16 other guys.

where you at brotha?

[Gunny]

Here's a good one.

Chubby young man was in the Starbucks working on his mac, when suddenly he urgently needed to pass some gas. Since the music was really quite really loud, he just figured he could time the fart with the louder beats of the music. After a couple of songs, he felt much better. Finished off his coffee but noticed that everybody was staring at him. Then he suddenly realized that "he was listening to his IPod"

My mom said she would never tell....

[aunt betty]

In 1978 I worked at a place called Shakey's Pizza.
Shakey's was a nostalgia kind of place. Player piano and old pinball machines.
Had fried potatoes called mojos.
Their fried chicken was super-good. The process for making it was intense.
Marinading it for two days then frying in a pressure fryer which is kinda scary.
Their pizza was good but I'd rate it "OK".

Has anyone ever experienced "The Shakey's Shits?".
I could time it down to the minute when customers would start hitting the johns.

[3geese4me]

I did, in a tent with 16 other guys.

where you at brotha?

The sunny and sandy middle east.

[Flightstopper]

I did, in a tent with 16 other guys.

where you at brotha?

The sunny and sandy middle east.

You all good man? Send all that stress to the other side!

[Gunny]

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

[Gunny]

Confucius say, "Man who fart in church, sit in own pew."

Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing.

[3legged_lab]

Confucius say, "Man who fart in church, sit in own pew."

Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

Woman who flies airplane upside down is going to have hairy crackup

Man who walks with hands in pockets is feeling cocky

[rebelp74]

Confucius say, "Man who fart in church, sit in own pew."

Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

Woman who flies airplane upside down is going to have hairy crackup

Man who walks with hands in pockets is feeling cocky

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot

[Flightstopper]

Confucius say, "Man who fart in church, sit in own pew."

Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

Woman who flies airplane upside down is going to have hairy crackup

Man who walks with hands in pockets is feeling cocky

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot

Ha!