My Dad: "I haven't heard this song in 20 years! I'm gonna get one of those mypods so I can listen to this song over, and over."
Me: "Dad, they're called IPods"
My Dad: "No, it's not gonna be yourpod, it'll be mypod."
Sh*t My Dad Says
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by ducks~n~bucks » Wed Dec 11, 2013 10:43 pm
assateague wrote:Put that in your huff-n-puffer and smoke it, shootin' boy.
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ducks~n~bucks - Posts: 2380
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by ducks~n~bucks » Wed Dec 11, 2013 10:46 pm
My dad will come home from work, and walk into the kitchen just as my mom is finishing dinner, then yell to everyone in the house "Come in and eat, I just finished cooking dinner!"
assateague wrote:Put that in your huff-n-puffer and smoke it, shootin' boy.
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ducks~n~bucks - Posts: 2380
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by Redbeard » Wed Dec 11, 2013 11:28 pm
This book is killing me
gila-river wrote:Great, now the cops want to install dishwashers to. Just do your job Red and stop encroaching on our rights to replace appliances. That is not the responsibility of police.:lol:
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Redbeard - Posts: 20636
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by Redbeard » Mon Dec 16, 2013 8:25 pm
On Friendship:
"You got good friends. I like them. I don't think they would fuck your girlfriend...if you had one."
"You got good friends. I like them. I don't think they would fuck your girlfriend...if you had one."
gila-river wrote:Great, now the cops want to install dishwashers to. Just do your job Red and stop encroaching on our rights to replace appliances. That is not the responsibility of police.:lol:
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Redbeard - Posts: 20636
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by AKPirate » Mon Dec 16, 2013 9:09 pm
Redbeard wrote:On Friendship:
"You got good friends. I like them. I don't think they would fuck your girlfriend...if you had one."
Haha, did he say that after you were married or before?
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AKPirate 
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by Redbeard » Mon Dec 16, 2013 9:14 pm
no my dad. The dad from the bookAKPirate wrote:Redbeard wrote:On Friendship:
"You got good friends. I like them. I don't think they would fuck your girlfriend...if you had one."
Haha, did he say that after you were married or before?
gila-river wrote:Great, now the cops want to install dishwashers to. Just do your job Red and stop encroaching on our rights to replace appliances. That is not the responsibility of police.:lol:
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Redbeard - Posts: 20636
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by AKPirate » Mon Dec 16, 2013 9:25 pm
Redbeard wrote:no my dad. The dad from the bookAKPirate wrote:Redbeard wrote:On Friendship:
"You got good friends. I like them. I don't think they would fuck your girlfriend...if you had one."
Haha, did he say that after you were married or before?
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by Redbeard » Sun Dec 22, 2013 9:45 pm
On My Frequent Absences at High School Dances:
"You bitch about not going, so why don't you just go? ...So then find a date. ...So then meet more women. ...Son of a bitch, son, I'm not continuing on with this line of questioning, it's depressing the shit out of me. Do what you want."
"You bitch about not going, so why don't you just go? ...So then find a date. ...So then meet more women. ...Son of a bitch, son, I'm not continuing on with this line of questioning, it's depressing the shit out of me. Do what you want."
gila-river wrote:Great, now the cops want to install dishwashers to. Just do your job Red and stop encroaching on our rights to replace appliances. That is not the responsibility of police.:lol:
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Redbeard - Posts: 20636
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assateague - Posts: 23627
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by Redbeard » Sun Dec 22, 2013 9:55 pm
On My Bloody Nose:
"What happened? Did someone punch you in the face?! ...The what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the face."
"What happened? Did someone punch you in the face?! ...The what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the face."
gila-river wrote:Great, now the cops want to install dishwashers to. Just do your job Red and stop encroaching on our rights to replace appliances. That is not the responsibility of police.:lol:
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Redbeard - Posts: 20636
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by R. Chapman » Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:28 pm
Redbeard wrote:On My Bloody Nose:
"What happened? Did someone punch you in the face?! ...The what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the face."
assateague wrote:Sometimes the quickest way to put out a fire is with an explosion.
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by Redbeard » Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:29 pm
On My Interest in Smoking Cigars:
"You're not a cigar guy...well, the first reason that jumps out at me is that you hold it like you're jerking off a mouse."
"You're not a cigar guy...well, the first reason that jumps out at me is that you hold it like you're jerking off a mouse."
gila-river wrote:Great, now the cops want to install dishwashers to. Just do your job Red and stop encroaching on our rights to replace appliances. That is not the responsibility of police.:lol:
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Redbeard - Posts: 20636
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by capt1972 » Mon Dec 23, 2013 6:09 pm
Redbeard wrote:On My Interest in Smoking Cigars:
"You're not a cigar guy...well, the first reason that jumps out at me is that you hold it like you're jerking off a mouse."
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
The Tree of Liberty Must be Refreshed From Time to Time With the BLOOD OF TYRANTS
The Tree of Liberty Must be Refreshed From Time to Time With the BLOOD OF TYRANTS
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by Redbeard » Mon Dec 23, 2013 6:26 pm
On My Response to Having My Tires Slashed:
"Oh, don't go to the fucking cops. They're busy with real shit. I don't want my tax dollars going to figuring out who thinks you're an asshole."
"Oh, don't go to the fucking cops. They're busy with real shit. I don't want my tax dollars going to figuring out who thinks you're an asshole."
gila-river wrote:Great, now the cops want to install dishwashers to. Just do your job Red and stop encroaching on our rights to replace appliances. That is not the responsibility of police.:lol:
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Redbeard - Posts: 20636
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by Redbeard » Wed Dec 25, 2013 11:09 pm
"Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking."
gila-river wrote:Great, now the cops want to install dishwashers to. Just do your job Red and stop encroaching on our rights to replace appliances. That is not the responsibility of police.:lol:
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Redbeard - Posts: 20636
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by Redbeard » Wed Dec 25, 2013 11:10 pm
"Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom."
gila-river wrote:Great, now the cops want to install dishwashers to. Just do your job Red and stop encroaching on our rights to replace appliances. That is not the responsibility of police.:lol:
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Redbeard - Posts: 20636
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by rebelp74 » Wed Dec 25, 2013 11:21 pm
assateague wrote:Should the kids ever decide to write such a book about me, 99 of the 100 pages will just say "Because I said so, that's why", in varying volumes and incorporating various levels of profanity, depending on the situation and time of day.
That's my pops too
Reinstate TomKat
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Re: Sh*t My Dad Says
by 3legged_lab » Thu Dec 26, 2013 12:05 am
Redbeard wrote:"Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom."
That one's funny
Bootlipkiller wrote: all the mallards I killed today had boners do to my epic calling.
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