Well now I feel like an...

by **Redbeard** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 7:59 pm

...asshole. It all started a week ago when Sam screamed like a little girl after two rats ran across the garage floor right in front of him. So I promised momma, who hates rats with a passion, that I'd pick up some rat traps. Don't know why I didn't already have some laying around.

Two days go by and I haven't got the traps yet...cause I'm busy hunting. She buys the traps. I set the traps with peanut butter. Little bastards licked em clean without even setting off the traps. And that night momma heard em scratching around in the attic with her super power hearing. Next day I reset em with cheese. Next morning they had eaten the cheese, setting off one trap, but no dead rat.

I decided to admit defeat and live with the rats. Momma said she was going down to the store to get poison since I was at work. Ok. Instead she comes back with these little trays cover in some REAL sticky...stuff. Alittle food in the middle. I'm sure y'all have seen em. Supposedly once they step on the tray they can't get off. I set em up that evening. Next morning I see little foot prints in the sticky stuff where they had walked around in it...but didn't stick to it. Before I can shit can those, Cadee steps in one! Hilarious. She came walking into the house like she was wearing a snow shoe.

Momma hears rats in attic again that night. And buys ray poison the next day. I set the poison up one in attic and one on shelf in garage. Momma doesn't hear rats that night.

Fast forward to saturday. My daughters hamster, Hammie, escapes from it cage. Somewhere in the house. No one can find it. Bummer. But I'm thinking "ah it'll show up soon."

So today momma calls me and says she swears she's hearing a rat in the kitchen behind the fridge. Ok great. I tell her it's Hammie. She's not convinced. Swears its a rat. I try and tell her rats are for the most part nocturnal and it's gotta be Hammie. She's not convinced. I come home at lunch and look behind the fridge. Turds. I can't tell the difference between rat and hamster turds. But momma apparently can and says they're rat turds. Again I try, but I can't convince her otherwise. There is a small square hole under the cabinets where I had taken the old trim off when I put in the floors. I havent put new trim up yet. She insists the rat's inside and wants me to poison the hole. I tell her all I'm gonna do is poison Hammie. She's wound up about it and just wants it done.

So i cut an old piece of trim. Put the poison about a foot back in the hole. I get up to grab the trim, hammer and two nails to cover the hole. I get back down and shine my flashlight in the hole one more time and low and behold there's Hammie eating the poison. Shit! Too late for the little guy now. I cover the hole as he's looking at me with his cute little beady eyes as if to say "Goodbye."

I never cared much about Hammie. Our relationship was limited to him looking up at me from his cage whenever I walked by. Anna, my daughter, rarely played with him anymore. And like most of y'all, I've killed countless animals over the years. But I really feel like an asshole right now.

Rest in Peace Hammie

by **BrewGUN** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:02 pm

Dick!

by **jarbo03** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:02 pm

Cold blooded!

by **jehler** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:02 pm

RIP Hammie

by **Redbeard** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:06 pm

Alittle compassion please guys

by **Redbeard** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:06 pm

Thank you John

by **capt1972** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:07 pm

I could really go for a ham sammie right about now for some reason...

by **bill herian** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:08 pm

I've gotta go hug my mouse...

by **AKPirate** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:09 pm

Hammies gonna stink in a couple of days

by **Redbeard** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:09 pm

Dicks...all of you

by **DeadEye_Dan** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:11 pm

AMF.

Got no use for rodents of any kind.

by **jehler** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:11 pm

Redbeard wrote:Thank you John

if you were to set up a Paypal or something I'd be happy to send a little cash to help with burial expenses

by **Redbeard** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:18 pm

Thank you again John

by **JGUN** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:18 pm

Guess I'll be the nice guy and send you a new one. What color was it so I can get the right one?

by **capt1972** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:22 pm

JGUN wrote:Guess I'll be the nice guy and send you a new one. What color was it so I can get the right one?

by **aunt betty** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:24 pm

Whaa. ..
I will never
eat a
Hammie-Sammie
again
without remembering this story.
Hammie...noooooooooo!

by **Bulldog0156** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:45 pm

Better than the fate that awaited Lemmiwinks!

by **Tiler_J** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:03 pm

Please, a moment of silence for Red and his family and poor dear Hammie. (How freaking original is that name! Suprised there dog isn't named doggie.)

Thank you.

Hammie lived a good life, infact a great life! He was loved and cared for, for all of his days here on earth. (Except at the unfortunate end there.) He is gone now (or atleast packing his bags), headed to that great big beautiful hampster ball in the sky. (Much nicer than the little hamster ball, that Red use to "accidentally" kick across the room.) Good bye Hammie, you will be dearly missed. (Although your decomposing odor will be around for a very long time.) God speed.

My deapest condolences to Hammie and your family, you pet killer!

by **waterfowlman** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:07 pm

Sorry to hear about Hammie Red. (not really)
Always use traps in the house. Poison used inside will only guarantee your walls are gonna start stinking.
I've caught rats in snap traps the night after they ate all the bait....they come back and lick the trigger.....WHAM!

by **AKPirate** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:09 pm

Hamsters have feelings and I bet he is not feeling good right about now...

by **RonE** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:15 pm

I feel your pain and know how you must feel.....................you heartless asshole.

by **Bootlipkiller** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:24 pm

His life may have been extinguished but his stench will remain. RIP

by **Olly** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:28 pm

At least you won't have rat/hammie hybrid monsters running around your house now.

by **AKPirate** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:29 pm

Bootlipkiller wrote:His life may have been extinguished but his stench will remain. RIP

Can you imagine the last thing you see in your life is one of Red's eyes and then everything goes dark as he nails the coffin door shut...

by **capt1972** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:30 pm

Olly wrote:At least you won't have rat/hammie hybrid monsters running around your house now.

by **Feelin' Fowl** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:33 pm

AKPirate wrote:Hammies gonna stink in a couple of days

Nope. The rats will eat Hammie...

by **AKPirate** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:37 pm

Feelin' Fowl wrote:
AKPirate wrote:Hammies gonna stink in a couple of days

Nope. The rats will eat Hammie...

who is full of poison and then the rats stink...

by **Willie** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:39 pm

Those sticky things are the shit. I have one in each corner of my garage and a couple along the walls. Looks like Jurassic park after a week or two. Mice, skinks, couple baby snakes, bugs, and some big ass wolf spiders.

by **Willie** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:40 pm

And sorry to hear you killed your kid's pet.

by **Redbeard** » Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:48 pm

AKPirate wrote:
Bootlipkiller wrote:His life may have been extinguished but his stench will remain. RIP

Can you imagine the last thing you see in your life is one of Red's eyes and then everything goes dark as he nails the coffin door shut...

Ha! That's exactly how I described it to momma