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Great hilarious little book my buddy loaned me. Just started reading it and already love it

On My First Day of Kindergarten
"You thought it was hard? If kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news for you about the rest of your life."

Another great book is "Life's Little Destruction Book". It's a spoof on Life's Little Instruction Book. It offers sage advice like: pee on the toilet seat and when you play a game with kids, play to win.

That guy used to post those to Facebook but I guess he got smart and wrote a book about it.

Both of those books are great

Does it hurt? Good.
When you fuck up its spose to hurt. That reminds u not to do the same fuckup again.

aunt betty wrote:Does it hurt? Good.
When you fuck up its spose to hurt. That reminds u not to do the same fuckup again.

My boys set up a ramp and were jumping each other on their bikes, moving further away from the ramp each time. My wife told me to stop them and I told her no, their about to learn a valuable lesson, stupid hurts.

rozzo842 wrote:

aunt betty wrote:Does it hurt? Good.
When you fuck up its spose to hurt. That reminds u not to do the same fuckup again.

My boys set up a ramp and were jumping each other on their bikes, moving further away from the ramp each time. My wife told me to stop them and I told her no, their about to learn a valuable lesson, stupid hurts.

She might be on to something, I took a long time to actually learn that stupid hurts.

3legged_lab wrote:

rozzo842 wrote:

aunt betty wrote:Does it hurt? Good.
When you fuck up its spose to hurt. That reminds u not to do the same fuckup again.

My boys set up a ramp and were jumping each other on their bikes, moving further away from the ramp each time. My wife told me to stop them and I told her no, their about to learn a valuable lesson, stupid hurts.

She might be on to something, I took a long time to actually learn that stupid hurts.

I am still trying to learn that and forget everyday...

Dad is kinda a weird duck:

"Pass me the nap-o-cans"- referring to napkins

"You are a door with a K on the end of it"

His favorite line to an over-used joke-"last time I heard that, i fell off my dinosaur!"

Should the kids ever decide to write such a book about me, 99 of the 100 pages will just say "Because I said so, that's why", in varying volumes and incorporating various levels of profanity, depending on the situation and time of day.

assateague wrote:Should the kids ever decide to write such a book about me, 99 of the 100 pages will just say "Because I said so, that's why", in varying volumes and incorporating various levels of profanity, depending on the situation and time of day.

What is on the last page?

"No".

assateague wrote:"No".

Endearing memories you're expecting them to have, huh?

We get along great. But I feel like I've accomplished something when a 14 year old and 7 year old will say things like "that's too expensive- we should get that one instead". I'm a pretty easy-going guy, but when they have a gun in their hand, that's really the only time when the profanity-laden drill sergeant directives come out. Which I'm fine with. Nothing is up for negotiation at that point.

Funny story. Taking Layniebug to school this morning, and she was telling me about how neat she keeps her desk. She was talking about a kid named Gage who sits next to her. She said, and I quote, "His desk is a mess. Whenever he has to get something, he has to dick around forever".


Apparently, I should watch my mouth more often. Although it was nice that she used it properly.

assateague wrote:Funny story. Taking Layniebug to school this morning, and she was telling me about how neat she keeps her desk. She was talking about a kid named Gage who sits next to her. She said, and I quote, "His desk is a mess. Whenever he has to get something, he has to dick around forever".


Apparently, I should watch my mouth more often. Although it was nice that she used it properly.

assateague wrote:Should the kids ever decide to write such a book about me, 99 of the 100 pages will just say "Because I said so, that's why", in varying volumes and incorporating various levels of profanity, depending on the situation and time of day.

My dad's book would be very similar.

"Why"? "Because I said do that's why!"

When I was little my dad would tell me no and when I asked why he would say because no is easier to say than yes, only two letters. Used to piss me off big time.

assateague wrote:Funny story. Taking Layniebug to school this morning, and she was telling me about how neat she keeps her desk. She was talking about a kid named Gage who sits next to her. She said, and I quote, "His desk is a mess. Whenever he has to get something, he has to dick around forever".


Apparently, I should watch my mouth more often. Although it was nice that she used it properly.

Bootlipkiller wrote:

assateague wrote:Should the kids ever decide to write such a book about me, 99 of the 100 pages will just say "Because I said so, that's why", in varying volumes and incorporating various levels of profanity, depending on the situation and time of day.

My dad's book would be very similar.

"Why"? "Because I said do that's why!"

If that's how your Dad really speaks I understand why you can't spell...












j/k lol omg inbd

assateague wrote:Funny story. Taking Layniebug to school this morning, and she was telling me about how neat she keeps her desk. She was talking about a kid named Gage who sits next to her. She said, and I quote, "His desk is a mess. Whenever he has to get something, he has to dick around forever".


Apparently, I should watch my mouth more often. Although it was nice that she used it properly.

Hahaha! That's great!

assateague wrote:Although it was nice that she used it properly.

That's all you can hope for.

I think I've told this one before but....
When we were living in eastern NC, my sons were 10 and 12 and we had just got home after a long day on the trapline. It was Christmas time and my parents were visiting and my dad commented that we had a good day's catch.
My oldest son looked straight at my dad and said " grandpa if it eats, shits or fucks we can catch it"
Apparently he had heard me say that at some point and remembered those words. My father almost laughed but managed to hold it in and pretended to be upset with my oldest.

waterfowlman wrote:I think I've told this one before but....
When we were living in eastern NC, my sons were 10 and 12 and we had just got home after a long day on the trapline. It was Christmas time and my parents were visiting and my dad commented that we had a good day's catch.
My oldest son looked straight at my dad and said " grandpa if it eats, shits or fucks we can catch it"
Apparently he had heard me say that at some point and remembered those words. My father almost laughed but managed to hold it in and pretended to be upset with my oldest.

But did you keep a straight face?

Walking in Walmart one day 2 fairly large women were in front of he and I. Out of the blue he pops off with. "Boy those girls asses looks like two rhinos fighting over a blade of grass." Shortly after that he commenced to singing fat bottomed girls when they were no more than 20ft away.

When asking him to do something he doesn't want to do, "I'd rather sandpaper a bobcat's ass."

Sent me a text and said "tractor won, but I popped my neck so we're all good."

That picture is awesome.

Haha