Baby fever

[3geese4me]

Wifes friend just had a baby. So we go out and see them at the hospital and brave the Christmas shopping crowds downtown. We get home and she all of a sudden wants another one. This cold has detrimental effects to a woman's state of mind. What is it about the cold that makes women want to have children. I would like another child, but I deploy far too much to put her in the position to raise an infant by herself.

[DeadEye_Dan]

Duh.

Just keep practicing.

[bill herian]

Castrate yourself. Then she'll know your serious.

[capt1972]

snippy snippy, keep it a secret. "I don't know why you don't get pregnant, but it sure is fun trying ain't it?!"

[DeadEye_Dan]

Hit 'em in the Upper Deck.

[GoBlue82]

rookies. all of ya. "it sure is fun trying" really? "put it in her upper deck" seriously? that is the best you guys can do. this man is fighting for his very sanity and all you can do is make the same stupid jokes you heard you moms' boyfriends make?

infatus envious, or "baby crazy", is a very serious condition that can drastically affect both a woman's body and mind. while it is true that being around babies causes the ovarian inclined population to desire their own egg to incubate, it also causes them to become hyper sensitive to any potentially negative traits of the would be mate. so while being distracted by the fact that she probably is more willing than usual to give it up, too many men fall prey to the trap of thinking that it is okay to joke about and reference this fact. trust me, you make a "it sure is fun trying" comment at the wrong time, or you let on that you would rather "put in in her upper deck" instead of sending your soldiers to storm her egg fortress, and you will pretty much guarantee that the only reason you will be fornicating is for procreation, all your recreation is at an end.

no, the way to handle this situation is to get on board the baby train. shit, you should be the damn conductor! first, go buy 30 pregnancy tests from the dollar store. they are all based on the exact same science, so why pay for all the fancy packaging? that is money you could be saving for the new baby's college. and start thinking of names, and texting her about them all the time. get serious about this, it is a big deal. don't you have a super-great grandfather cornelius or a 5th cousin lucinda who you have always admired? family names are the best, especially when they are the worst. obviously, you can't be buying her a big christmas present this year. do you know how far car seat technology has come in the past couple years? you better bring home catalogs and don't just trust what consumer reports is paid to say, go watch the actual crash test videos with her. and oh my god, you need to paint the nursery, and the kitchen, and bathroom, and bedroom. you cannot possibly go out to eat this week, or next week, do you know how much stuff you have to do before the baby gets here? oh, and you can't just start having sex all the time. no, you have to make sure it is your a-team sperm running on the field, so you should probably have a very frank conversation with her about her ovulation schedule and how you should not have sex for at least the week leading up to this time (this is the part that will start getting her nervous and thinking maybe she doesn't want another kid right now). i mean, you don't want to waste your super-hero chromosomes on a practice session, just to have the sperm equivalent of jojo the idiot circus boy accidentally sliding down a fallopian tube and making first contact. i mean, you are going to be the one stuck paying for the head gear, and special schools, and tutors and bondsmen. this is usually enough, but if she still seems to think it is a good idea, bring up her diet. obviously, she needs to cut out all gluten, and caffeine, and processed sugars, and anything known to the state of california (or any other state) to cause any sort of unpleasantness to anything living (past, present, or future), because she should be treating her body like a temple for the demi-god that will be growing in her womb. adolphus would be a good name. maybe lucifer, or zull! you should probably have her checked out by a shaman, and hoo-doo witch lady too. no priests though, that would just be weird. and make sure you tell her how excited you are to get the chance to catch the baby, and how you have always wondered what it would be like to cut the cord yourself.

you'll be back to casually fucking during the evening news just for the hell of it before you know it.

[NuffDaddy]

Jesus Christ. You had to of started typing that before he even made this post.
I read the first paragraph and gave up. Got a summary?

[Bulldog0156]

rookies. all of ya. "it sure is fun trying" really? "put it in her upper deck" seriously? that is the best you guys can do. this man is fighting for his very sanity and all you can do is make the same stupid jokes you heard you moms' boyfriends make?

infatus envious, or "baby crazy", is a very serious condition that can drastically affect both a woman's body and mind. while it is true that being around babies causes the ovarian inclined population to desire their own egg to incubate, it also causes them to become hyper sensitive to any potentially negative traits of the would be mate. so while being distracted by the fact that she probably is more willing than usual to give it up, too many men fall prey to the trap of thinking that it is okay to joke about and reference this fact. trust me, you make a "it sure is fun trying" comment at the wrong time, or you let on that you would rather "put in in her upper deck" instead of sending your soldiers to storm her egg fortress, and you will pretty much guarantee that the only reason you will be fornicating is for procreation, all your recreation is at an end.

no, the way to handle this situation is to get on board the baby train. shit, you should be the damn conductor! first, go buy 30 pregnancy tests from the dollar store. they are all based on the exact same science, so why pay for all the fancy packaging? that is money you could be saving for the new baby's college. and start thinking of names, and texting her about them all the time. get serious about this, it is a big deal. don't you have a super-great grandfather cornelius or a 5th cousin lucinda who you have always admired? family names are the best, especially when they are the worst. obviously, you can't be buying her a big christmas present this year. do you know how far car seat technology has come in the past couple years? you better bring home catalogs and don't just trust what consumer reports is paid to say, go watch the actual crash test videos with her. and oh my god, you need to paint the nursery, and the kitchen, and bathroom, and bedroom. you cannot possibly go out to eat this week, or next week, do you know how much stuff you have to do before the baby gets here? oh, and you can't just start having sex all the time. no, you have to make sure it is your a-team sperm running on the field, so you should probably have a very frank conversation with her about her ovulation schedule and how you should not have sex for at least the week leading up to this time (this is the part that will start getting her nervous and thinking maybe she doesn't want another kid right now). i mean, you don't want to waste your super-hero chromosomes on a practice session, just to have the sperm equivalent of jojo the idiot circus boy accidentally sliding down a fallopian tube and making first contact. i mean, you are going to be the one stuck paying for the head gear, and special schools, and tutors and bondsmen. this is usually enough, but if she still seems to think it is a good idea, bring up her diet. obviously, she needs to cut out all gluten, and caffeine, and processed sugars, and anything known to the state of california (or any other state) to cause any sort of unpleasantness to anything living (past, present, or future), because she should be treating her body like a temple for the demi-god that will be growing in her womb. adolphus would be a good name. maybe lucifer, or zull! you should probably have her checked out by a shaman, and hoo-doo witch lady too. no priests though, that would just be weird. and make sure you tell her how excited you are to get the chance to catch the baby, and how you have always wondered what it would be like to cut the cord yourself.

you'll be back to casually fucking during the evening news just for the hell of it before you know it.

Know how I know you're gay?

[DeadEye_Dan]

He's not married and doesn't have any kids either

[Goldfish]

So his plan works

[DeadEye_Dan]

Or he's never seen a vagina.

[Rick]

It's not the cold that makes them want babies, it's seeing another woman with something they don't have.

[3geese4me]

It's not the cold that makes them want babies, it's seeing another woman with something they don't have.

I am positive this is it. She wasn't really keen on a baby till we went and seen the new blessing to that family.

[OGblackcloud]

Damn

[aunt betty]

rookies. all of ya. "it sure is fun trying" really? "put it in her upper deck" seriously? that is the best you guys can do. this man is fighting for his very sanity and all you can do is make the same stupid jokes you heard you moms' boyfriends make?

infatus envious, or "baby crazy", is a very serious condition that can drastically affect both a woman's body and mind. while it is true that being around babies causes the ovarian inclined population to desire their own egg to incubate, it also causes them to become hyper sensitive to any potentially negative traits of the would be mate. so while being distracted by the fact that she probably is more willing than usual to give it up, too many men fall prey to the trap of thinking that it is okay to joke about and reference this fact. trust me, you make a "it sure is fun trying" comment at the wrong time, or you let on that you would rather "put in in her upper deck" instead of sending your soldiers to storm her egg fortress, and you will pretty much guarantee that the only reason you will be fornicating is for procreation, all your recreation is at an end.

no, the way to handle this situation is to get on board the baby train. shit, you should be the damn conductor! first, go buy 30 pregnancy tests from the dollar store. they are all based on the exact same science, so why pay for all the fancy packaging? that is money you could be saving for the new baby's college. and start thinking of names, and texting her about them all the time. get serious about this, it is a big deal. don't you have a super-great grandfather cornelius or a 5th cousin lucinda who you have always admired? family names are the best, especially when they are the worst. obviously, you can't be buying her a big christmas present this year. do you know how far car seat technology has come in the past couple years? you better bring home catalogs and don't just trust what consumer reports is paid to say, go watch the actual crash test videos with her. and oh my god, you need to paint the nursery, and the kitchen, and bathroom, and bedroom. you cannot possibly go out to eat this week, or next week, do you know how much stuff you have to do before the baby gets here? oh, and you can't just start having sex all the time. no, you have to make sure it is your a-team sperm running on the field, so you should probably have a very frank conversation with her about her ovulation schedule and how you should not have sex for at least the week leading up to this time (this is the part that will start getting her nervous and thinking maybe she doesn't want another kid right now). i mean, you don't want to waste your super-hero chromosomes on a practice session, just to have the sperm equivalent of jojo the idiot circus boy accidentally sliding down a fallopian tube and making first contact. i mean, you are going to be the one stuck paying for the head gear, and special schools, and tutors and bondsmen. this is usually enough, but if she still seems to think it is a good idea, bring up her diet. obviously, she needs to cut out all gluten, and caffeine, and processed sugars, and anything known to the state of california (or any other state) to cause any sort of unpleasantness to anything living (past, present, or future), because she should be treating her body like a temple for the demi-god that will be growing in her womb. adolphus would be a good name. maybe lucifer, or zull! you should probably have her checked out by a shaman, and hoo-doo witch lady too. no priests though, that would just be weird. and make sure you tell her how excited you are to get the chance to catch the baby, and how you have always wondered what it would be like to cut the cord yourself.

you'll be back to casually fucking during the evening news just for the hell of it before you know it.

holy shit that's a lot of fucking words.

[RonE]

Or he's never seen a vagina.

Fatherly answer.jpg