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A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middleof the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, buthis dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized somethingand thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, andthe future is full of shit!"

Uh that's not a joke

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"

A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass. He said what do I look like, a landscaper?
Sink was dripping so he said what do I look like, a plumber?
Light bulb went out so he said what do I look like, an electrician?

Couple days later he got home from work and noticed the lawn was cut, drip fixed, and the light bulb was new.
He asked the wife Honey how did you get this all taken care off and how much did it cost?
She told him about the new neighbor guy who offered to do all the work in exchange for either a home made cake or have sex with him.
The husband sighed and asked what kind of cake she made...
She said what do I look like, Betty Crocker?

A dad decided it was time to take his son duck hunting now that his son had passed his hunters safety course and could shoot now. He said "Son, I am want you to learn how to hunt ducks, so I am going to let the best of the best teach you, me." SO the next morning they went duck hunting. They were sitting in the blind a while, and the dad spotted a pair of mallards looking for a place to land. He began calling and they sucked right in, and landed in the decoys. He told his son "Let me shoot these two, to show you how it's done." The dad jumped up. BANG! BANG! BANG! And both of the ducks jumped off the water and flew away. The dad looks at his son and says "Boy, you just saw something most grown men have never seen in their live. You have witnessed a miracle. Those two dead ducks just jumped up and flew off."

Been there, done that.

A duck goes into a bar and says do you have any grapes? Bartender says no and the duck leaves. This repeats for days until finally the bartender says to the duck, if you ask for grapes again I will nail your bill to the bar.
The next day... the duck walks into the bar and asks, do you have any nails? Bartender says no. Then the duck asks if they have any grapes.

assateague wrote:

What in the world?

Carefull, that song is addictive as hell. Layniebug discovered that a year or so ago, and it's been burned into my head.

Thanks. That will be in my head for the rest of the day now!

assateague wrote:Carefull, that song is addictive as hell. Layniebug discovered that a year or so ago, and it's been burned into my head.

you probably have it on repeat in your jeep while you check traps

Hahaha. Look up " the acorn song".
Someone said that I'm a nut. Was drunk, hungover, sang that stupid song, and the rest is history.